I'm doing if for Me not to please everyone else...

For years I have been the "bigger" girl. I have thighs, boobs and a butt. I don't wear a size 2 or 4. I love food and I love going out to eat. My weight has been a struggle my whole life. If I wasn't the chubby kid, I was the muscular one. I put on muscle like there is no tomorrow, but I also do not have the genes to be a stick.

Lately I have realized there has got to be a change, and the way I think is the first place to start.

First of all, a number does nothing for you. I dislike how our weight is measured by a haunting number at the end of the scale. Muscle does way more than fat and if you are looking to be strong and have a small number, I am afraid that you will not be satisfied.

My body doesn't define my beauty. Today I read a blog post about how beauty isn't defined by size. Especially in my faith we look at the person's heart and testimony and see the beauty of who they are. Spiritual things are eternal and physical things are temporary. My body will one day be old, wrinkly, saggy, and most definitely not what it is now. I heard a story about a guy who was talking to his friend and he told him how he was dating a girl and things were going great, but she was a little bit bigger and it was bothering him. His friend, who I applaud, told the guy that his head was in the wrong place. Beauty is not physical.

So, I am going to be brutally honest right now. I am at my all time high for my weight. I am the biggest I have ever been and I am not happy. But instead of thinking, "skinny and skinnier" and thinking about my physical appearance, I am going to think "healthy and healthier". I am doing it for me not to please everyone else.

I feel like when you want to improve your body image and be happier with yourself, you need to come from a place where you are doing it for yourself. Becoming healthy, getting stronger, being happy about yourself should never be a competition with someone else. It should be a competition with yourself, you should challenge yourself and prove those negative thoughts wrong. Do more than you ever thought you could.

This is exactly what I am going to do. I have set a reasonable goal. I have given myself sufficient time to complete my goal. I have given myself a reward to look forward to once I have accomplished. I am determined to defeat my own doubts. I am determined to be healthy. I know I am beautiful, but changing your body is okay. I am determined to be happy about my body. I am going to do this.

So all those who want to join me in my adventure on being healthy, I welcome you with open arms. To all those who are content with your bodies, I applaud you, I admire you.

Mind over matter as my sister always says.

It won't be easy, but I sure as heck know it will be worth every drop of sweat, craving and sore muscle. Let's get healthy.