Waiting...

This week I looked at a photograph that was quite beautiful: then I read the caption. The line that disturbed me was, "the orphans are lined up along the railroad tracks, and are told to await food--that never arrives." What a grim image, how awful, are the only words that come to mind.

This picture is so absolutely artistic and stunning, but what it is about is the complete opposite. I asked myself, how could something so beautiful be about something so horrible? The very first thing that popped into my head was, oh they are waiting in line for something. I love this picture so much because it is such an accurate depiction of almost everyone.

We are all waiting for something: death, a baby to be born, a promotion, to get married, to graduate. We are all "in line". The caption that describes the picture is so disturbingly true. Told to await food that never comes...

If you take the literal meaning of the words, it is a sad thought. Maybe everything we wait for, in reality, never comes. But I took this to mean a different thing. I know in my life I sometimes wait for things to come, on occasion these things are not necessarily good or bad, they are neutral. Sometimes I wait for a "boyfriend" (because I am a girl, in college, and think I need one- stupid really), sometimes I wait for someone to come and talk to me. We all are waiting for something, but are we waiting for something good and justifiable? Are we waiting for a "good" reason?

Salgado, Sebastião. Migrations: Humanity in Transition. New York: Aperture, 2000. Print.

Salgado, Sebastião. Migrations: Humanity in Transition. (Pamphlet) New York: Aperture, 2000. Print.

Family Is The Most Important Part

This week I have been thinking a lot about the government shut down and how childlike it really is. I have been thinking about the things in my life which I hold most important. Sometimes it scares me how much that I don't realize the importance of the things that I have. It scares me that I don't realize just how important my family really is. I have always been the one who would rather hang out with their family than go hang out with friends on a friday night, so I thought that I had my priorities straight. Lately I have reconsidered and reevaluated just how "straight" my priorities actually are.

I am reading this book Migrations by Sebastiao Salgado and each week I have a set number of pages that I look at and pick a photo that I think has "spoken" to me, to talk about in my blog. This week's photo was extremely close to my heart.


The photo was of a bunch of ladies with pictures of their husbands and faces of terror and sadness. These women had their husbands taken away from them because of war and hatred. My brother is overseas in Afghanistan. I know how it feels to be terrified.

My brother is probably one of the bravest people I know, but not only him, my sister-in-law. I have been humbled to watch her handle this situation so delicately. As she raises five kids on her own while he is serving, she remains as happy as can be.

I just want to express my love for the soldiers serving and the sacrifice that they give to make the world a little bit safer. I don't know how to put my feelings into words but I truly love my family. I understand the importance to cherish the relationships with your siblings, even if they drive you crazy. I understand that my family is the family that I am supposed to be in. Love is the center for success, peace, and hope. Let us love each other and bring home those we hold dear. Love conquers all, it always has and it always will.

Be a little braver to be a little kinder.

Salgado, Sebastião. Migrations: Humanity in Transition. New York: Aperture, 2000. Print.

Salgado, Sebastião. Migrations: Humanity in Transition. (Pamphlet) New York: Aperture, 2000. Print.

Dance

Dance is the pounding of my heart and the beauty to my soul. Dance defines me.

Dance is what I love and dance is what I know. 

I just wish...

I have a friend who can read people like books. Literally can look at a person and know exactly what they are feeling. When they are sad, he knows. When they are happy, he knows. When they are frustrated, he knows. I have always admired him and his ability to empathize with others. I don't know if it is a gift or what.

Me on the other hand, have no such capability whatsoever.

If someone is sad, I will probably think that they are constipated. If someone is happy and laughing, I think they are crying. I cannot read people or their emotions. This has been problematic since I have made social contact with others. Especially college.

Lately I have had some, what you call, "inner struggles", because I can't read a certain someone. They talk to me a lot, then they don't for a week. They smile sometimes and other times they just stare. They ask me to do things and I do them, then they don't acknowledge me. I feel like I am losing my mind. If only I had some special power.

Because of my disability to read people, I have come to the conclusion that when the time comes that I will marry, it will be extremely difficult. I won't catch the hint, when he goes down on one knee I am going to be that girl who is like, "so what are you doing?". I have no hope.

Hopefully when the time approaches i'll let the holy spirit guide. I just wish...

The Taste of Truthfulness

My whole life I have struggled with feeling different from others, I was always that sick child and the one who stayed home from school for months because of an illness. Sophomore year in high school I found out that I had two fractures in my back and that things from there on out would become extremely difficult. I have found that to be very true. Each year has presented new challenges.

I am attending Brigham Young University and had no idea what to expect because I am a freshman. This first month of school has been brutal. I have multiple medications and braces to help ease the pain but walking around campus with a heavy backpack has been extremely difficult.

This week has been unusual, I have had more pain than I have ever had. Two days ago I woke up and could hardly move. I was in so much pain, getting from my bed to the kitchen took almost all the energy I had. I laid on the couch and cried, thinking to myself that none of this was fair, I have dealt with so many issues with my back and I felt like I deserved a break. I called my mom and she came down to my apartment and helped me with my grocery shopping and getting me from place to place. Since I am in college attending class can be crucial and I have been having a hard time getting to all my classes, which will probably hurt me more than help. I later received a beautiful and inspiring priesthood blessing from my father in which he stated that I would know how to manage my pain.

The next day came around and I was slightly better but the pain was still extreme and I was having a very difficult day. Later that evening I decided to read a talk and I came across this quote.

"we must also have the bitter in order to know the sweet. Sometimes some of us think we have the bitter and not enough of the sweet. This is normal. We all have our trials of life to strengthen us. Each thinks he has the hardest or most severe trials. It may be that they are the most difficult only because they are the hardest or most difficult for you. The diamond is enhanced and made more valuable with polishing. Steel is made harder and more valuable through tempering. So also opposition builds the character of man."

-Elder ELDRED G. SMITH October 1973 

How powerful this was to me that this opposition and trial that I am facing is more about my refining and understanding of the gospel. I began to feel a little bit better about what I was going through. Of  course through this whole injured process I have gone through the ups and downs of doubt and reality, good days and bad days. There have been times in my life, where I handle my trial beautifully, this week however, was not one of them.

When wednesday came around I was stressed out beyond humanly possible. I woke up that morning and was terrified. I was in so much pain and there wasn't much I could do about it. Wednesday is my heaviest load day and my back pack must have weighed twenty pounds. Before I left out the door, I said a prayer to Heavenly Father and I asked him that I would have the strength to get through my classes today, just my classes.

Here is the cool part...I drove to school and parked and began walking to my first class. I could feel my back pack weighing me down and I was struggling to make it on time. While I am sitting through my first class everything is going good but nothing was really different. I had an hour break till my next class and so I began walking in the general direction of where I needed to go. As I am walking I feel no weight on my back. Nothing. I was panicked that I had left something like my laptop in my last class, I swung my bag around and looked to see if I had everything. Everything was there, nothing had been changed. Thinking of how weird it was I continued walking and my bag felt light again. I felt like someone was carrying my back pack along with me. The rest of the day I did not feel any pain. I was pain-free and loving life. When I returned back to my apartment and took my first step into the front room, I felt all the ways my body had been torn down that day. I felt everything I would have felt just at a later moment in time.

I know that Heavenly Father answers prayers and shows us he loves us in so many ways. I know that I had an angel carrying my burdens and giving me the strength to do the things I needed to do. I know what the love of God feels like and I also know what it feels like to feel alone and helpless. Miracles happen every single day and rejoice in that fact. I know that this gospel is true and I know that Heavenly Father knows me on a personal basis. My hope is that we can all be someone's visible angel. Take time out of your day, sound out of your mouth and love out of your actions and give it to someone who really needs an angel. My angel saved my day, there are no words to describe the feeling of love from Heavenly Father. Go and discover it for yourself. He is listening and He cares. My name is Aubrey Larsen, and I am a mormon.

Waste Land

I watched a movie this week called Waste Land about an artist Vik Muniz. The movie is based in Brazil and is focused on a land fill and the workers there. They have people who they call "pickers" who by hand they pick out all the recyclable material. It is considered a little more dignified than prostitution, but barely. This artist Vik has a vision in mind and wants to recreate and repurpose this trash and turn it into something beautiful. He takes pictures of the workers and decides to "draw" them with the trash.

Vik Muniz Photograph

I love the fact that Vik has a vision to make something beautiful out of something disgusting. He wants to learn about the people he is taking photographs of. This idea is captivating, the idea that everything can be given a second chance. I relate these movies and experiences I have, to myself because that is where I know they fit exactly in. A lot what I got from this movie was the idea of not underestimating someone's true potential. The world we live in has so many different people and each one of us has a unique responsibility. I know that not every movie or photograph we see will be life changing but they can always offer us some insights that perhaps we were oblivious and couldn't see before. It makes me think about the story of the ugly duckling. The outside appearance was temporary, and everything changed. We are all somewhat like this pile of trash or ugly duckling, our true potential hasn't shown through yet. We are all along the same path in life, ugly ducklings awaiting our transformation or a "pile of trash" ready to be arranged. We can't doubt ourselves and the true affect we have on people, nor can we doubt others and their true potential.

"One of the greatest weaknesses in most of us is our lack of faith in ourselves. One of our common failings is to depreciate our tremendous worth"

-Elder L. Tom Perry

Pile of Trash

Vik Muniz Photograph

people

You know when someone gives you a dirty look or you think they do, all you want in that moment is to be like... "DUDE, take a picture it lasts longer!" or have something bad happen to them. I know, I am satan.

Well today I had an experience. As I was walking to my car the sun was reflecting just right and I see this HUGE spider web between the walkways so I start walking diagonally and bent down because I didn't want this nasty web in my face. Well, this guy is right in front of me walking the opposite direction and starts to look at me like I am a crazy person. Of course I looked weird and probably like I was struggling but he didn't have to give me such a harsh look. And how obvious he was, at least try and be semi-sneaky.

So what I did was, instead of warning him of the ginormous trap of nasty, sticky, annoying spider webs ahead I let him walk straight into it. At that moment I had my justice and he had spider web all over his face. I felt like we were even. After the poor fellow ran into the web he turned around and CLICK he knew what I was doing.

Justice prevailed.