Life & Being Auntie

This week my sister-in-law had a baby! Even though I already have 13 other nieces and nephews, it is still exciting. I love being Aunt Aubrey….sometimes even Aunt Bobby! Chaos and very loud screams are always present in our home :)

Yes, I have 13 nieces and nephews, but lately it has felt completely different, in a very good way. I am not going to lie, the way my family is structured is sometimes hard. I love my family, but the oldest sibling is twenty years apart from the youngest. There is a big gap. I have six older brothers, and when they all got married before you were out of high school, it can sometimes be difficult to start a conversation and keep it going. This was how I felt for a very long time.

One of my brothers got deployed to Afghanistan. Another lives in New York. Lately I have been so grateful for the home I was raised in, I am so grateful for the family I have. I am so grateful for the relationships that I have developed with my siblings.

One of my friends came over for family dinner and they told me when we were on our way back to real life (college) that they had never been at a home where everyone loved each other so much. Good job mom and dad! There is seldom contention and my parents encourage all of us children in whatever we pursue in life. I love the way I have been raised and my parents are a huge example to me on how to be a good future parent.

Life lately has been extraordinary. I have been around people who make me happy, people who treat me right and people who love me. I have found some really good friends and have also kept some really good friends from high school, real close. I am excited for what this new year will bring, we have a month till Christmas, but I am excited to celebrate and be with family. I am excited to see what the new year brings :). Many surprises, I hope. Many unexpected, but good surprises.

Last One

This is my last blog post on the book I read, Migrations. Bear with me, this post may be a little jumbled. A segmented essay, if you will.

In my humanities class we talked about Aesthetic Experiences. An aesthetic experience is an heightened emotion with an experience: it can be a work of art, a song, music, dance, person, a whole bunch of different things.

Reading this book has been an aesthetic experience. It is just a book of photographs so I guess you could say that I just looked at it, not really read it. Salgado, the photographer, is trying to bring awareness to the refugee situations that occur throughout the world. His work is simply gorgeous, and inspiring. You look at his photographs and read the captions, and you create your own story. These photographs become sentimental.

This last photograph was captivating. I just kept looking at it. Looking at it. Looking at it. I love the idea and the composition. It is beautiful.

The man is from Vietnam and he is holding a picture of his late wife and a photograph of him when he fought in the war. These things define him.

I always think of the things in my life that I feel like define me. I used to dance and that certainly made me who I am. I sing (horribly I might add). I laugh. I smile.

There are like 5 billion people on this earth and not one of them is exactly the same. Our individual experiences shape us into who we are. Not a single person is the same. Not a single one.

I don't know what more to say really, my mind is so jumbled. All I can say is that I fell in love with this photograph. I also believe in being unique and being yourself. This man is unique. Me, Aubrey Larsen, is unique. We have our own design and we all have our own capabilities.

Salgado, Sebastião. Migrations: Humanity in Transition. New York: Aperture, 2000. Print.

Salgado, Sebastião. Migrations: Humanity in Transition. (Pamphlet) New York: Aperture, 2000. Print.

Brian Doyle: a writer and story teller

Today I went to a reading here at BYU and it was by a man named, Brian Doyle. It is safe to say that my eyes were opened up a little bit.

He is a writer and I guess you can say that he is bias, but I enjoyed the points that he made. He talked about how important stories are and how they enrich our lives. The relaying of any kind of information is always through stories.

Stories are food, they are crucial. They are an important part of our life.

Catch and share stories.

The world shifts a little when you tell a story: stories matter.

The stories that matter to you, share them.

If God gives you a tool and you don't use it, that is a sin.

There are no boring moments, just boring people to not understand how miraculous those moments really are.

I also was amazed at how respectful he was. Most people know that BYU is a religious school, and we are not ashamed to admit that we are. Brian Doyle is Catholic yet he expressed his appreciation for the religion and showed a lot of respect.

It does not matter to me if you are a religious person or not, if you have the same faith or not, I have been taught that a good person does not stem just from a religion. There are good people throughout the whole world and the way they act and treat others is their true character.

All in all, it was a very fulfilling experience.

Reverse

Okay, so you remember in high school how you made fun of the kid who's backpack was so large you could hardly see the kid, they just shoved everything they could into their backpack. Well I surely made fun of these kids, and no I am not proud of it.

Well college, you are lucky if your backpack weighs less than twenty pounds. I am now the kid with so much crap in their backpack that they can hardly walk. I literally look like I am a turtle. Karma sure does catch up to you. I now understand those kids who tried to put everything they could into their bag. I am now one of them.

Remember how you used to laugh at the kids who ran down the hall when they knew they were going to be late to class. Cause I did. I remember being so cool and thinking I could be late and that was like oh shoot, that girl must be soo legit.

The fear of being late has now caught up to me. If you miss like five minutes of your lecture, you miss like five test questions. Running on campus is practically normal for me. There are seldom days when I don't run like an idiot to class. I feel like the girl on Princess Diaries who runs after Mia and that boy and is yelling like a maniac....yeah, weird how I am now...the...idiot... 

In Junior High it was weird if you sang, at least at my school. No one dared to sing because that meant you were automatically a dork... Well BYU is completely opposite. There is always at least one person singing there lungs out on the quad. They aren't just singing quietly to themselves, they are SINGING. What gets me the most is that it is completely normal. These people are the people that I want to grow up and be like. They make my day. There was one day that I couldn't help but laugh because this boy was singing and dancing down the path and it was just great. 

In other words, don't laugh at the kids who look silly because one day you will be that dork. Like me.

Left to Tell

I am not a reader, I only enjoy a very few amounts of books. So when I recommend a book, it must be really good.

I had to read this book for one of my classes, but it turns out that I absolutely loved it. There are few books that make you think and ponder upon your own life, and this book is completely different. I loved the fact that I could read this book and find ways to improve myself and become a better human being. There is a lot of emotion in the book that you can relate to. This woman is simply inspiring and there is no doubt in the words that she gives about her faith in God. It was comforting that forgiving people didn't come as easily as she hoped, sometimes we are angry with ourselves when we can't forgive and to read about the struggles that she faced, she made it and lives a normal life. There were times when she was angry with those who killed her family, the world and even God, but her journey to find God's individual love is astounding. Sometimes we feel alone but this woman's testament of God and the reality of comfort strengthened me in my every day efforts. I absolutely loved the book, go read it.

A little bit about myself

First of all, I think poop is the greatest thing ever. I don't know why and I am not quite sure where my family's love for poop stemmed, but you talk about poop, you are my best friend. I literally could have a conversation about poop all day. One of my really good friends came on a vacation with my family and I think he realized that the Larsen family is very much infatuated with poop.

Second, ducks...are just the greatest animal. I literally feel like I am at disneyland when I see one. The way they waddle and all that good stuff is just hilarious. Here at BYU they have a duck pond, guess who visits as much as they can...ME.

Third, I think I am hilarious. I can entertain myself whenever I am alone. I laugh at my jokes, it is great, I never feel stupid when I tell a joke, because I always know someone will laugh. Me. Sometimes others do not understand my sense of humor, but I find myself just plain funny.

Forth, I am a loud person. I have learned how to tone myself down a lot. But I am just a loud person.

Fifth, I am not afraid to look hideous. Don't get me wrong, I love getting ready and absolutely love make up, but when it comes to making faces I am a very animated person and I ain't scared...I ain't scared of nothing.

I believe in being nasty, not wearing make up, and being yourself 100% of the time. 

the little ones

My thoughts on this picture from my current reading project: Migrations. 

I grew up in a family of nine kids. We are extremely loud and you are seldom alone. I loved it, and still do. There were some rough times, but for the most part I absolutely loved being able to say I came from a family of nine kids. If meant that my mom was cool: having a billion kids.

With a big family there are some big age differences. From the youngest to the oldest there are twenty years. My family's dynamic is probably much different from a lot of people's. My oldest brother was married by the time I turned six. But I am so grateful that I was put into the family that I have.

All six of my brothers are married, yes I have six older brothers. I was blessed with amazing sister-in-laws who are so kind. But one of my most favorite things about my family is the consistent growth of tiny little babies coming into the Larsen family.

I have a special place in my heart for children. I have always loved children since I was little. There are times where I almost want to rip my hair out, but I LOVE KIDS. Probably because I still am a kid at heart. There is just something about the innocence children have and how they carry the pure love of life anywhere they go. Plus, they are hilarious. My nieces and nephews have taught me so much about the joys of life. From a ladybug landing on your arm to the excitement of a popsicle.

I love this picture of this man carrying those little girls. The world would not be the same if there were no children. They are precious.

Of all the joys of life, none other equals that of happy parenthood. Of all the responsibilities with which we struggle, none other is so serious. To rear children in an atmosphere of love, security, and faith is the most rewarding of challenges. The good result from such efforts becomes life's most satisfying compensation."

-President Gordon B. Hinckley

Salgado, Sebastião. Migrations: Humanity in Transition. New York: Aperture, 2000. Print.

Salgado, Sebastião. Migrations: Humanity in Transition. (Pamphlet) New York: Aperture, 2000. Print.

Bear My Burden

From the book Migrations. My current reading project.

A couple months ago I heard a comment in church that really made me think. We were talking about how you are never really truly alone, you always have the companionship of the Holy Ghost and Christ. This woman stood up extremely upset and said, 

"I want everyone to stop saying that, I want everyone to realize that there is not ALWAYS someone there, I have felt alone and it is possible to be alone."

After that comment was made, it really made me think about loneliness. What is being alone? What feelings accompany that state of being? Have I ever felt alone? I have been thinking about this a lot and I finally came to my own realization. I know what it feels like to be sad and angry with a situation or a trial. I have been angry and sad with my back, but I didn't know if I ever truly felt utterly alone. 

I remember feeling alone in high school but only in the sense of none of these teenagers really understand my situation. Sometimes people didn't understand why I couldn't go bowling or run on the field and such, but I have always known that there was someone looking out for me. It is true that there have been times where I am more aware of Heavenly Father, and times where I am not so aware, but I have always known that He was there, even if that faith was smaller than a tiny seed. 

The picture above illustrates a man off to the right all by himself, carrying weight, on the opposite side of the group. I do not want to be ignorant and insensitive to people's situations or that lady's comment, but in my eyes and my personal situations, feeling alone is a decision. We are on this earth to lift one another up. There is comfort whenever you seek it out. I can't promise that people will always be nice, because they won't, but you can find comfort in your faith of Heavenly Father.

You are never alone or helpless, the force that guides the stars is guiding you too.

We can choose to walk by ourselves or walk with an angel, the spirit, with Christ and most of all we can learn to walk with our Faith in the Gospel.

Salgado, Sebastião. Migrations: Humanity in Transition. New York: Aperture, 2000. Print.

Salgado, Sebastião. Migrations: Humanity in Transition. (Pamphlet) New York: Aperture, 2000. Print.

b r o k e n

This week has been rough. There are no other words to describe it. I like to think of myself as a happy person and someone who doesn't cry that often. This week was hard. Just hard.

In a book called Migrations I came across this picture. It was of a man in a wheelchair without his lower limbs. He was half of a person.

My future scares me a lot...a lot. Since being diagnosed with two PARS fractures in my back, I have had some things that I have had to change, simply because my body is different. It will always be different. I have accepted that. But there is still a hole in my heart.

How can I be a wife, when I can't even vacuum, or hardly do the dishes? How will my kids react when I can't lift them up? How will my husband feel when I have to lay in bed all day while he works and takes care of the kids? Who would want to deal with someone with so many health issues? Who would want a broken wife?

I don't know the answer to any of these questions, but I know there is a way. When we feel like that man in a wheel chair, when we feel we are half of a person, there is a way. I was bogged down this week, but I have to get up and move forward. We cannot succumb to the adversary, we cannot underestimate our worth.

Doctrine and Covenants section eighteen verse ten

Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God.

I don't know if there is somebody who will be able to handle the difficulties that I may face in my future, but I know that God loves me and he knows that I am broken and torn around the edges. He will always love me no matter what, He will direct me where I need to go. He will have a direct hand in my life.

It's okay to feel inadequate, I feel inadequate many times, but we need to rise up to the challenge and discover our worth, our whole self, to put away those feelings of doubt and worry. Conquer our fears and press forward, continually in faith.

Salgado, Sebastião. Migrations: Humanity in Transition. New York: Aperture, 2000. Print.

Salgado, Sebastião. Migrations: Humanity in Transition. (Pamphlet) New York: Aperture, 2000. Print.