today I cried.
today I laughed.
today I frowned.
today I smiled.
today was full of many surprises.
but today is over.
tomorrow I hope is better.
because today was just one of those days...
Monday, September 30, 2013
Saturday, September 28, 2013
one word.....roommates
Peed My Pants
This week has been really interesting....really interesting. So I tend to stay up later because no one is telling me to go to bed, and I find myself up at the wee hours of the morning till like two or three. Not too bad, but too late for me. I was doing my homework one night and my roommate got this sudden urge to exercise. It was past midnight, okay. As I told her that it was late and she might wake up the people bellow us...she insisted. Our apartment isn't too small, but it surely doesn't have ANY room for exercise??? Well she decided to do this intense workout in our tiny little kitchen. Okay have fun, hope you don't die! At first it was understandable, I mean more power to ya for doing pushups, then she brought out the chairs...
I have seen so many youtube videos where people try to balance on chairs and they end up slipping and something goes really wrong. But she brings two chairs out and starts to do abs and balancing on them, I am just like, "she is gonna die, my roommate is going to die, people will think it is me, my roommate is going to die." After she successfully does all these acrobatic moves I think she is finished. NOPE. she starts up this high knee, fast, kick-boxing run in place crap. Remember she is trying to be quiet to not wake up the girls beneath us. Half tip toeing and have stomping, (oh she has socks on too, do you get where I am going with this...) and boom. I witnessed the whole thing.
MY THOUGHTS:
Did she just die?
Oh shoot do I help her up?
What the heck happened?
Can I laugh?
Shoot that was freaking funny!
Would she hate me if I made fun of her?
Crap I am an awful human being?
At first my eyes were as wide as they could be because I was just shocked, she just slipped in the kitchen and she is now on the floor. To be honest and you may hate me for this, I was trying with all my might not to laugh. It was also 1:30 in the morning. As she gives me the body language that it is okay to laugh, I just bust up. There is no point of return right here. I wasn't necessarily laughing at the fact that she slipped, although that was pretty spectacular, I was laughing at the idiocy of the whole idea. Who in their right mind decides to exercise at 1:30 in the morning, let alone with socks on and in a kitchen who couldn't even fit Barney? It was just plain stupid and funny.
Don't worry I know you are all wondering what happened to her. Well we thought she broke her foot, but she only got a really bad sprain and is doing fine with her little crutches and yes I got permission to write a post about her.
Thursday, September 26, 2013
Vast Contrast
Background to the reasoning of my thoughts:
Sebastiao Salgado is a photographer who brings refugee situations to the surface, I am studying his work and finding ways to apply it to my life. In his book Migrations, which is full of photographs, the one that stood out to me this week, was about the Vietnamese Migration. Refugees would travel by boat, they would come to the shores of Galang searching of new lives. Salgado refers to them as the "boat people". During World War 2 and after the Japanese had gained Singapore, they made Galang into a prison camp. Destroying the hopes of these people by putting them in detainee camps as well as destroying the boats they had previously arrived in. Today there are as many as 5,577 detainees.
My response to this picture:
I was intrigued by this picture because of the vast contrast of old and new, past and present, destruction and construction. There are the remaining pieces of the wood and the boats which lie on the shore like bones of a lifeless past, and then around the edges there is the slight vision of growth and a rebirth. When people say that we can make a difference I slightly agree and I slightly disagree. I think one of the biggest services we can do to better the world is to first better ourselves. Whether it be getting better grades, respecting authority, being a little kinder, getting out of that hole, quitting drugs, deciding to be happy, deciding to stop a bad habit. We all could do a little better, including me. After we do this we have unlimited possibilities, we can help these refugees, the homeless, the scared, we can actually make that difference, but the change has to come within ourselves first.
There was a time in my life where I was like those beaten up logs where I felt like nothing valuable could come from my situation. I was broken. I broke my back my sophomore year in high school and I literally felt like my dreams were being ripped away from me. I couldn't do the thing I loved most, dance. I had a hard time walking, sitting, laying down, carrying a back pack, even getting out of bed was a huge challenge. I was so mad at the world because I wasn't like the regular kids at my school, I had a hard time even going to school and I wore a bulky brace and I couldn't participate in many of the social activities. It took me three years to realize that this didn't define me.
I have found talents I never even thought were possible to have. I have found friends who show me the good side of life, who show me that laughing at how I walk like a grandma can actually be funny (it actually really is hilarious). I have had a rebirth. I have grown into something that carries those scars of being broken with a genuine smile. I know it is possible and I know it can happen. There is no recipe to better yourself or become happy, everyone is different. But everyone can make that change. Whatever it is that is a struggle, I encourage you to find a way out, so that when you are given the opportunity to help those who really need it, you will be the first ones there and the last ones to go.
There was a time in my life where I was like those beaten up logs where I felt like nothing valuable could come from my situation. I was broken. I broke my back my sophomore year in high school and I literally felt like my dreams were being ripped away from me. I couldn't do the thing I loved most, dance. I had a hard time walking, sitting, laying down, carrying a back pack, even getting out of bed was a huge challenge. I was so mad at the world because I wasn't like the regular kids at my school, I had a hard time even going to school and I wore a bulky brace and I couldn't participate in many of the social activities. It took me three years to realize that this didn't define me.
I have found talents I never even thought were possible to have. I have found friends who show me the good side of life, who show me that laughing at how I walk like a grandma can actually be funny (it actually really is hilarious). I have had a rebirth. I have grown into something that carries those scars of being broken with a genuine smile. I know it is possible and I know it can happen. There is no recipe to better yourself or become happy, everyone is different. But everyone can make that change. Whatever it is that is a struggle, I encourage you to find a way out, so that when you are given the opportunity to help those who really need it, you will be the first ones there and the last ones to go.
Salgado, Sebastião. Migrations: Humanity in Transition. New York: Aperture, 2000. Print.
Salgado, Sebastião. Migrations: Humanity in Transition. (Pamphlet) New York: Aperture, 2000. Print.
Thursday, September 19, 2013
The Division and Longing for Unity
I have never really been a person who keeps in tabs with the local news and even the national news. When I do watch the news and keep tabs on what is going on it tends to be depressing and horrible. There isn't a lot of focus on the good things going on in the world.
That being said, I have hit a new chapter in my life where I tend to be more aware. Being in college opens your eyes to things that high school and junior high couldn't even begin to show you. Here is my expanding horizon unfolded.
There is this man named Sebastiao Salgado who grew up in Brazil and had a very decent job and one day he just decided to quit. He felt that is would be a better use of his time to help bring awareness to the refugees and countries in poverty. In his book Migrations there are dozens of photographs that he took that depict the struggles these people go through. This blog post is about one of those photographs that spoke to me.
In Spain there is an international border that divides British Overseas Territory of Gibraltar and Spain. The barrier came up in 1909 and has been heavily patrolled since then. There has been continuing disputes on the actual territory and much still remains in question.
While looking through Salgado's book I saw this picture of a female girl standing by the shore surveilling the border of Gibraltar (Salgado 38). Her uniform was extremely reserved and professional and she had a pair of binoculars up to her eyes, as if she were hunting down those who tried to cross over into "her" territory. Upon first glance it gave me the impression as cruel, dark and gloomy but upon further examination I was able to read deeper into this photograph.
Salgado gives the explanation of this photograph as "Gibraltar, a border between two worlds." I have never been an expert on immigration and its surrounding topics, but a border simply divides people and doesn't create unity. Perhaps that is what is intended but it really has never made sense to me. Like I said at first I felt as if the woman was keeping out others, but looking at the photograph again I felt a completely different feeling. It made me think of the longing we have to be connected with others and even ourselves. This woman was searching for that peace she so desperately desired.
How often are we divided between two different things? And how often do we long with all of our might to regain unity? I know I feel ripped in two, especially now because my best friend, my mom, is at home and I live in an apartment with people I don't know really well. Everyday I wish that I could live with my best friend again. Sometimes I wonder if these countries and places ever feel like something is missing like I do, or is all this border stuff based on hatred? Do these borders and barriers simplify the problem or even solve the problem? No.
Salgado does a phenomenal job on illustrating not only the sorrow of division but the constant watchful eye others have when they are divided. So my question to you is how can we bring unity back into the world? With ourselves, others, emotions or whatever it is. How can you regain that peaceful unity back into your own life? And when you do, will you do all you can to keep it?
That being said, I have hit a new chapter in my life where I tend to be more aware. Being in college opens your eyes to things that high school and junior high couldn't even begin to show you. Here is my expanding horizon unfolded.
There is this man named Sebastiao Salgado who grew up in Brazil and had a very decent job and one day he just decided to quit. He felt that is would be a better use of his time to help bring awareness to the refugees and countries in poverty. In his book Migrations there are dozens of photographs that he took that depict the struggles these people go through. This blog post is about one of those photographs that spoke to me.
While looking through Salgado's book I saw this picture of a female girl standing by the shore surveilling the border of Gibraltar (Salgado 38). Her uniform was extremely reserved and professional and she had a pair of binoculars up to her eyes, as if she were hunting down those who tried to cross over into "her" territory. Upon first glance it gave me the impression as cruel, dark and gloomy but upon further examination I was able to read deeper into this photograph.
Salgado gives the explanation of this photograph as "Gibraltar, a border between two worlds." I have never been an expert on immigration and its surrounding topics, but a border simply divides people and doesn't create unity. Perhaps that is what is intended but it really has never made sense to me. Like I said at first I felt as if the woman was keeping out others, but looking at the photograph again I felt a completely different feeling. It made me think of the longing we have to be connected with others and even ourselves. This woman was searching for that peace she so desperately desired.
How often are we divided between two different things? And how often do we long with all of our might to regain unity? I know I feel ripped in two, especially now because my best friend, my mom, is at home and I live in an apartment with people I don't know really well. Everyday I wish that I could live with my best friend again. Sometimes I wonder if these countries and places ever feel like something is missing like I do, or is all this border stuff based on hatred? Do these borders and barriers simplify the problem or even solve the problem? No.
Salgado does a phenomenal job on illustrating not only the sorrow of division but the constant watchful eye others have when they are divided. So my question to you is how can we bring unity back into the world? With ourselves, others, emotions or whatever it is. How can you regain that peaceful unity back into your own life? And when you do, will you do all you can to keep it?
Salgado, Sebastião. Migrations: Humanity in Transition. New York: Aperture, 2000. Print.
Salgado, Sebastião. Migrations: Humanity in Transition. (Pamphlet) New York: Aperture, 2000. Print.
Thursday, September 12, 2013
A Change of HEART
This past week I had the opportunity to watch the film God Grew Tired Of Us and my perspective on life has changed quite drastically. The film is a documentary of the Lost Boys of Sudan. To be honest before this film I had never heard that term, but having the opportunity to learn about Sudan and its culture and what the lost boys really means has been an aesthetic experience.
Not knowing about what is going on in the world we are surrounded by, is perhaps not the best, but there is always room to be informed on current events and especially past events. I hope that this post can inform and change your heart, like mine has been changed.
Background:
The war in Sudan has been said to be the longest civil war in a country, up to date, it was primarily between North Sudan and South Sudan. The main reason of conflict was the differences in religion, although there are many factors that play into it. The documentary explores the history and the journey of three of The Lost Boys. This term "The Lost Boys" is disheartening, uncomfortable and unapproachable. The film explains how they became these Lost Boys and what a tragedy it really is. If you want to find out more I'll let you watch the movie, and I highly recommend it. But before I get too scientific with my facts and all historical, I would like to share the insights that I had from viewing this film.
The Change of Heart:
I would say that most of you had an easy childhood even a "normal" one, you ate when mom cooked dinner, you bathed when mom told you to, life was but a pure joy filled with digging in the dirt and running around the playground. Now imagine a normal childhood of being five years old separated from your parents and siblings, starving and walking thousands of miles across a desert in search for the slightest safety. The term "normal" is irrelevant. We cannot define what is normal.
There are people in this world where all they have are the clothes on their back, a couple of rationed meals a week and their body. They literally have nothing compared to what we call everything. Yet, how happy these people are. They sing, dance and celebrate when they have considerably nothing, in the opinion of some. How incredible is it that no matter their circumstance(s) they have found their connection with God and their soul. Are we like this? Could we be happy with just the clothes on our back? Could we survive if all our so called "blessings" were to disappear today? How can we learn from these incredible human beings?
There is a part in the movie where the three Lost Boys journey to America and are given the opportunity to find a job and support themselves. From the most simplest of things, such as throwing something in the trashcan, this had to be taught to them. Learning how to turn on the light switch as well. All the daily routines the so called sophisticated countries have, had to be learned.
Never in my life have I been more emotionally moved. I feel as though my whole life has been a big and luxurious desert, but I have been complaining this whole time. Going back to their happiness. How is it that someone who eats everyday and drives a fancy car complains about the long line at Del Taco? How does a child complain about the toy they got for their birthday? How do teenagers complain about a concerned parent? You understand where I am going with this. It breaks my heart to see how unappreciative I have been my whole life.
Sitting in the movie theatre watching this movie I felt afraid and I felt a lot of guilt. Guilt as in why have I of all people been complaining? Why have I been wasting my time? Why? Why? Why?
No one knows the answers to these questions and sometimes we cannot do anything to help the situation of others, but changing the way you view things and showing respect, gratitude, honor and commitment is the first step. We ourselves have to be changed, and I was changed through my heart and down to my toes. Learning about poverty and horrific situations not only persuaded me but enlightened me to the more abundant side of life.
My hope for you is that you analyze your life and your attitude towards the blessings you have received and become aware of situations that deserve your attention. Begin to see your world as the one with new discoveries awaiting. Enjoy the annoyances and forgive the troublemaker. Don't become so involved in yourself that you forget we are all humans with emotions on this planet. Have that much needed change of heart.
Go check out that movie on HULU plus for free: http://www.hulu.com/watch/294405?cmp=507&pdv=c%20&gclid=CMajtaKoy7kCFa1FMgoddSAARw
Not knowing about what is going on in the world we are surrounded by, is perhaps not the best, but there is always room to be informed on current events and especially past events. I hope that this post can inform and change your heart, like mine has been changed.
Background:
The war in Sudan has been said to be the longest civil war in a country, up to date, it was primarily between North Sudan and South Sudan. The main reason of conflict was the differences in religion, although there are many factors that play into it. The documentary explores the history and the journey of three of The Lost Boys. This term "The Lost Boys" is disheartening, uncomfortable and unapproachable. The film explains how they became these Lost Boys and what a tragedy it really is. If you want to find out more I'll let you watch the movie, and I highly recommend it. But before I get too scientific with my facts and all historical, I would like to share the insights that I had from viewing this film.
The Change of Heart:
I would say that most of you had an easy childhood even a "normal" one, you ate when mom cooked dinner, you bathed when mom told you to, life was but a pure joy filled with digging in the dirt and running around the playground. Now imagine a normal childhood of being five years old separated from your parents and siblings, starving and walking thousands of miles across a desert in search for the slightest safety. The term "normal" is irrelevant. We cannot define what is normal.
There are people in this world where all they have are the clothes on their back, a couple of rationed meals a week and their body. They literally have nothing compared to what we call everything. Yet, how happy these people are. They sing, dance and celebrate when they have considerably nothing, in the opinion of some. How incredible is it that no matter their circumstance(s) they have found their connection with God and their soul. Are we like this? Could we be happy with just the clothes on our back? Could we survive if all our so called "blessings" were to disappear today? How can we learn from these incredible human beings?
There is a part in the movie where the three Lost Boys journey to America and are given the opportunity to find a job and support themselves. From the most simplest of things, such as throwing something in the trashcan, this had to be taught to them. Learning how to turn on the light switch as well. All the daily routines the so called sophisticated countries have, had to be learned.
Never in my life have I been more emotionally moved. I feel as though my whole life has been a big and luxurious desert, but I have been complaining this whole time. Going back to their happiness. How is it that someone who eats everyday and drives a fancy car complains about the long line at Del Taco? How does a child complain about the toy they got for their birthday? How do teenagers complain about a concerned parent? You understand where I am going with this. It breaks my heart to see how unappreciative I have been my whole life.
Sitting in the movie theatre watching this movie I felt afraid and I felt a lot of guilt. Guilt as in why have I of all people been complaining? Why have I been wasting my time? Why? Why? Why?
No one knows the answers to these questions and sometimes we cannot do anything to help the situation of others, but changing the way you view things and showing respect, gratitude, honor and commitment is the first step. We ourselves have to be changed, and I was changed through my heart and down to my toes. Learning about poverty and horrific situations not only persuaded me but enlightened me to the more abundant side of life.
My hope for you is that you analyze your life and your attitude towards the blessings you have received and become aware of situations that deserve your attention. Begin to see your world as the one with new discoveries awaiting. Enjoy the annoyances and forgive the troublemaker. Don't become so involved in yourself that you forget we are all humans with emotions on this planet. Have that much needed change of heart.
Go check out that movie on HULU plus for free: http://www.hulu.com/watch/294405?cmp=507&pdv=c%20&gclid=CMajtaKoy7kCFa1FMgoddSAARw
Saturday, September 7, 2013
annoyances and bad luck/timing
Where I chose to live this year while I am attending college took a lot of careful thought and consideration. So, there is a reason why I live "kind of" off campus- A) I need a parking spot for my car and B) I live right across the street from the stadium.
I am from Utah so I know how big the BYU football games can get and how awful the traffic can be, but I didn't know how bad it actually got until today.
First of all I was out doing errands and came home to my apartment complex and there are all these signs saying "wyview residents only", "do not park if not an attendant" etc. I was following the rules because this is where I dwell, it is my home. At one o'clock today when I came home there was not a single parking spot in my complex. At first I gave it the benefit of the doubt and thought eh.... maybe everyone is home, but no all these strangers were taking up my parking spots. Dude.....I LIVE HERE. Half of them were middle aged men who have no life and all they have to look forward to is "their" college games, as where they attended the school a hundred years ago. Also the game didn't start for another 4 hours anyway, why the rush? Annoyance one.
Second, I had to take my brother home from the game, long story short I had to drive him home after the game ended. My biggest pet peeve is when the light is green and there are too many cars to fit, but the light is still green- that magic beacon from heaven- and there are cars who just go and sit and wait in the middle of the intersection while the light turns yellow to red. They have this thing like oh if I just go where there is no room, magically I will be okay and won't block traffic. Excuse me? Whilst the cars going the opposite way can't move and they sit through three whole lights because some stupid driver couldn't just wait for more room the next light. There is no need to hold up traffic. They feel as though if they have to wait then so does everyone else in the intersection. I triumph over all they say. We are all trying to get home after the game, you are not entitled to anything more than me. Annoyance two.
Take into consideration the fact that I am sitting through these three lights. Here comes the bad luck. I have this sudden urge that I have to pee, and it was like I am going to pee my pants right now, it was not an urge to take lightly. First thing to happen was that I started sweating and clenching all the muscles I knew how to squeeze, as HARD as I can. Then I unbuckle my seatbelt and assume the pose-----the pose where you crouch, it's the one like I am trying really hard not to pee on myself pose. While sitting in the horrible BYU post game traffic I think to myself how hard would it be to hobble over to that tree and would I be able to get my pants off? Serious questions I know. I honestly thought I was going to die.
After ten minutes of this misery, my body triumphantly won. Bladder of STEAL! Having babies-
p i e c e o f c a k e.
I won but never the less it was awful timing to the extreme.
I am from Utah so I know how big the BYU football games can get and how awful the traffic can be, but I didn't know how bad it actually got until today.
First of all I was out doing errands and came home to my apartment complex and there are all these signs saying "wyview residents only", "do not park if not an attendant" etc. I was following the rules because this is where I dwell, it is my home. At one o'clock today when I came home there was not a single parking spot in my complex. At first I gave it the benefit of the doubt and thought eh.... maybe everyone is home, but no all these strangers were taking up my parking spots. Dude.....I LIVE HERE. Half of them were middle aged men who have no life and all they have to look forward to is "their" college games, as where they attended the school a hundred years ago. Also the game didn't start for another 4 hours anyway, why the rush? Annoyance one.
Second, I had to take my brother home from the game, long story short I had to drive him home after the game ended. My biggest pet peeve is when the light is green and there are too many cars to fit, but the light is still green- that magic beacon from heaven- and there are cars who just go and sit and wait in the middle of the intersection while the light turns yellow to red. They have this thing like oh if I just go where there is no room, magically I will be okay and won't block traffic. Excuse me? Whilst the cars going the opposite way can't move and they sit through three whole lights because some stupid driver couldn't just wait for more room the next light. There is no need to hold up traffic. They feel as though if they have to wait then so does everyone else in the intersection. I triumph over all they say. We are all trying to get home after the game, you are not entitled to anything more than me. Annoyance two.
Take into consideration the fact that I am sitting through these three lights. Here comes the bad luck. I have this sudden urge that I have to pee, and it was like I am going to pee my pants right now, it was not an urge to take lightly. First thing to happen was that I started sweating and clenching all the muscles I knew how to squeeze, as HARD as I can. Then I unbuckle my seatbelt and assume the pose-----the pose where you crouch, it's the one like I am trying really hard not to pee on myself pose. While sitting in the horrible BYU post game traffic I think to myself how hard would it be to hobble over to that tree and would I be able to get my pants off? Serious questions I know. I honestly thought I was going to die.
After ten minutes of this misery, my body triumphantly won. Bladder of STEAL! Having babies-
p i e c e o f c a k e.
I won but never the less it was awful timing to the extreme.
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
A/C problems and Female to Male Ratio:
Growing up I lived in a legitimate IceCube. My mom kept our house at like 65 degrees, which in A/C terms, is very very cold. Because Mama was the Queen bee of the house, no one argued with her on temperature controls (except that time when my sister turned it down to 40 degrees, to test the battle field). When I moved out, the only thing that I was excited for was a normal air conditioned living area. NOPE. It hasn't quite been the case.
I think my whole life my body is so used to being overly cold, that I have adapted and now am the monster that I thought my mom was. I am the type of person who needs consistent airflow, I need to experience all the air in the apartment. My roommates on the other hand, do not believe in A/C... whoa whoa whoa back up. Yes, they do not turn the A/C on, it is on the off button. Here I am wanting a semi-cold house and they live in a furnace, it gets toasty and stuffy and clammy and you name it. Yes we are in Utah, and yes it still gets hot here, trust me I have lived here my whole life. Sleeping is the worst part....I wake up sweating like I am giving birth to a twelve pound baby. Sometimes I secretly sneak out of my room while they are asleep and turn it down, when asked did I turn it on...... I uh just simply deny it. We have an A/C ghost.
The female to male ratio here at BYU is pitiful. All my family could talk about (when I decided I was going to study here) is that I would be engaged by the end of the semester. I was having vague thoughts that maybe I would be snatched up by some tall, handsome man or something, but seeing the sparse amounts of males, I bet my dating life will be at an all time low. I feel like a hound dog, I literally can sniff out where the boys are. Pathetic, yes. But one walks by and all the girls heads turn. It is like the scene on MeanGirls where she envisions everything like the jungle in Africa, that is what BYU is like. College IS a jungle. For every guy there are 7 girls, nice for the boys, sucky for the girls. I have never been the girl to hunt down a boy to get his number or talk to him, I don't know if I need to change. I look and stare and stalk but never really initiate much. These college girls are like lions hunting down prey. Males are literally being ripped apart. Girls go at them like magnets. I am over here like.....ummmm where is this building and "I CAN'T FIND MY CAR", how do you get to the parking lot? Oh and my favorite, how do you get out of this building-yes it happened to me today.
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