b r o k e n

This week has been rough. There are no other words to describe it. I like to think of myself as a happy person and someone who doesn't cry that often. This week was hard. Just hard.

In a book called Migrations I came across this picture. It was of a man in a wheelchair without his lower limbs. He was half of a person.

My future scares me a lot...a lot. Since being diagnosed with two PARS fractures in my back, I have had some things that I have had to change, simply because my body is different. It will always be different. I have accepted that. But there is still a hole in my heart.

How can I be a wife, when I can't even vacuum, or hardly do the dishes? How will my kids react when I can't lift them up? How will my husband feel when I have to lay in bed all day while he works and takes care of the kids? Who would want to deal with someone with so many health issues? Who would want a broken wife?

I don't know the answer to any of these questions, but I know there is a way. When we feel like that man in a wheel chair, when we feel we are half of a person, there is a way. I was bogged down this week, but I have to get up and move forward. We cannot succumb to the adversary, we cannot underestimate our worth.

Doctrine and Covenants section eighteen verse ten

Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God.

I don't know if there is somebody who will be able to handle the difficulties that I may face in my future, but I know that God loves me and he knows that I am broken and torn around the edges. He will always love me no matter what, He will direct me where I need to go. He will have a direct hand in my life.

It's okay to feel inadequate, I feel inadequate many times, but we need to rise up to the challenge and discover our worth, our whole self, to put away those feelings of doubt and worry. Conquer our fears and press forward, continually in faith.

Salgado, Sebastião. Migrations: Humanity in Transition. New York: Aperture, 2000. Print.

Salgado, Sebastião. Migrations: Humanity in Transition. (Pamphlet) New York: Aperture, 2000. Print.