This all began my first semester of my freshman year at college when I got a concussion and was unable to finish some of my classes-because of the temporary damage to my brain. After that first unexpected difficult semester, I had an even worse second semester. I became depressed, the reason I am not sure, perhaps it could have been the fear I had of getting married at a young age/or getting married in general, or the stress I had with my concussion, most likely it could have been lingering symptoms of the concussion from the frustration of having constant headaches. The reasons are not important, however my grades for my second semester were non-existant.
Fast Forward to fall semester of 2014
Because of my unfortunate events and unfortunate grade point average, BYU has a policy when your GPA is below a certain number you have to go talk to an Academic Counselor and make a "PLAN" that will help you improve your next semester, they have to sign off on this plan and depending on how you do the next semester they can reevaluate you and create another "PLAN" so on so forth. Okay, in theory this idea is wonderful, to have someone to help you learn better ways to study and help you improve in grades and college skills, however my experience was all BUT pleasant. I conclude that I had such a bad experience with the counselor for two main reasons, 1) at the time I was an open-major so the Counselor I saw wasn't as specialized or concerned for my behalf, mainly because there were thousands of students he probably had to deal with who were also open-majors, 2) he didn't know anything about me except what my grade point average was.
Before I went in to go see the counselor I made a plan at home, I had been going to school for about three weeks by now, we were pretty far into the semester so I had a good idea of what my classes would be like, I considered all that I had been through and I had about four back up plans if something bad were to happen....like a concussion (how ironic). As I walked into this man's office, I got an uneasy feeling about what was about to happen. He kindly greeted me, offered me a seat, and then he pulled up my file to see what was going on.
He began asking a lot of questions, wondering what had happened my first year and reasons why I wasn't able to pull through and get better grades. The whole time I was in his office I felt that he was judging me and the fact that I had had a rough patch. He asked me how this semester would be better and I responded with the fact that I am really enjoying the classes I am taking and I am excited to go to school. To that he replied that we are all creatures of habit and if I didn't do so well in past semesters, I wouldn't really change and would continue to do poorly. I tried to defend myself by saying that I just had some rough semesters in the past and knew that I would pull through.
The meeting continued on, and more and more I sat and let this man tell me that I would never get good grades and that I was wasting my time and money going to school. He eventually signed off on my "PLAN", criticizing me that I need to quit my job if I wanted even a chance to succeed. I left his office feeling horrible about myself, I went to my car and began to sob. His words began to seep deep into my heart and I started to believe the awful things that this man had said to me.
You can imagine how upset I was with how one of the people who were supposed to support me, just belittled me and told me I was basically pathetic. My sweet husband encouraged me to do my best that semester and prove the man wrong.
After that awful experience and encouragement, coaching and a lot of love from my husband (husband's are great cheerleaders), I decided I was going to prove that man wrong and I decided that I would get good enough grades to be taken off of academic probation by the end of the semester (which this man told me, would never happen).
Last fall semester was probably the most emotionally trying semester I have ever had. I began the semester doing really great, getting above 90% on all of my tests, then my husband needed surgery for a possible tumor, and things got a little bit harder, I had a rocky patch with trying to work, take care of Adam, and going to school, however I pushed through and continued to get good grades on tests and assignments. Then I unfortunately got my second concussion (this is where the irony fits in) which made finishing the semester extremely difficult. Now the semester was not easy by any means, I constantly had self-doubts, usually when I didn't do as well as I hoped on an assignment. I had nightmares about failing and having to drop out and not being able to get accepted back into BYU. I would constantly be frustrated with my husband because I was so emotionally drained with trying to do my best and succeed. It was one of the worst semesters to go through, probably the most difficult, but probably the most eye opening as well.
I am writing this today to tell you that I finished my previous semester, and not only did I get taken off of Academic Probation, I increased my GPA by 1.5, but I proved that man wrong and I am proud of myself and I even bet I could have done better without getting a concussion.
I wanted to share this experience because I know that in life, things are hard and people can be mean and hurtful, but I have given one example that we can prove those mean people and bullies wrong. For awhile I thought that I would just be back to where I was, having a concussion and feeling pathetic, I thought the man was right about me and right about how I was a failure. But he wasn't. We may be put down, beaten-up, emotionally bruised, criticized and belittled...but I know we can overcome those negative feelings. This most definitely opens my eyes to how I want to treat those who may be struggling. I hope that throughout my life I treat those mess up, with compassion and love rather than judgement and criticism, because I know what if feels like when someone doesn't treat you with kindness. I didn't do well my first year of college and that was all that that man saw, he didn't know my personality, my study habits, my thoughts or feelings, and he didn't take the time to see that I could be more than what my grade point average was.
Life is hard and people are mean, but we have got to prove those bullies wrong. Because they are wrong.
-Aubrey Babcock
No comments:
Post a Comment