Body Image

Today me and my husband were rummaging through my childhood photos and it brought a lot of old feelings that I had as a child and a lot of feelings that I still have today. First let me just say how grateful I am that my mom was able to preserve pictures of me as a child and all the little treasures I held dear to me, such a blessing.

Anyhow...

I started dance at a very young age, I was an active child and I absolutely fell in love with dancing, performing and everything that goes with it. But, for as long as I can remember I felt that my body wasn't good enough. I have a very muscular build and I can put on muscle like nobody's business. But I have always felt, well chubby.

I looked at these images of me as an eight year old and I remember looking at my stomach when I was little and knowing that it wasn't completely flat, and it bothered me. At EIGHT years old! Me and my husband kept looking at these photos, and I could remember that as I grew older the more I was concerned about my body and the more I didn't like the way it looked.

This has continued on throughout my entire life. The funny thing now is that you look back and think man I wish I had that figure again! How ironic.

It made me sad to see such a beautiful and very muscular little girl who I knew had disliked the way she looked her entire life. And I can see why I would have felt that way. I was told at age 13 that ballet wasn't the best "career" for me because I was so muscular. Basically, I wasn't a twig. I was also told that there wouldn't be a boy to lift me because I was too big. In my mind, I was too heavy.

Since I started dancing I have been surrounded by girls my age who have the genes of very lean legs, tiny arms and small stomachs. I was not given those genes. I have got a large booty, thick thighs, somewhat of a chest and some round cheeks to top it off. I have a lot of meat on my body.

We all know the media isn't helping the cause for loving our body image...

Comparing myself to others has been a lifelong habit. I have had multiple friends who had those model figures and I have often felt inadequate and that I didn't belong because I didn't wear a size 2 jean. But this has all been my doing. I am not saying a leaner figure is bad, nor a fuller one, comparing yourself to others is something that comes from within and we are the ones who make ourselves unhappy.

Skinny people are not their to torture us, nor are muscular ones, or fuller figured ones...we all have a body and we are all different. I have learned over the years that the I was the one who was unhappy with my body image, but I was the only one. I had such a distorted idea of what I actually looked like and it has taken me fifteen years to realize it. I can now look back even to high school and think yes, I did have a nice figure. I can now look at myself and say yes, you do have a beautiful body.

I have just come to the fact that I will not have a tiny frame or ever be a stick, I will always have my round face, my wide hips, and my muscular legs. I was built that way. Now I want to make sure I make myself clear, this does not mean that we do not exercise or eat healthy. No matter what our size, we want to make it the healthiest it can be. It has been said a million times we all know it. But being skinny or super toned does not necessarily make our bodies beautiful.

I have stretch marks on my breasts, inner thighs, and hips. I have scars on my legs arms, hands and back. I have a birthmark on my neck that either looks like a permanent hickey or I smeared a huge wad of makeup two shades darker than my skin tone on my neck. I have got cheeks that you can pinch. These all make me human. These all make me beautiful.

Our body image should be based on what we know our Heavenly Father sees. A child of God. Rather than what we see. He is the one who will show us our true potential. Our body does not show us how beautiful we are, it is how we act, serve, speak, think and serve others that increases our beauty.

May we all feel beautiful inside and out is my hope.